Photo Credit — Sparkstyson

There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone attractive. We all had or still have our fair share of cute crushes, may they be celebrities or campus heartthrob. I have nothing against that. However, thinking that couples should be matched according to physical attractiveness is another story. They give me the impression wherein good-looking creatures are limited to interact only with their counterpart of the same species/kind. This mentality shows how bigoted we, human beings, could get. Corollary to this, it reflects our superficiality in criteria for assessing a person.

And when people finally see beneath the physical imperfection of the unappealing/unattractive one, what makes it more upsetting is that they take positive qualities (i.e. talent, skill, intellect, kindness) as compensation for the supposed lack of physical beauty.

I have been told a couple of times in my first relationship that I could have chosen ‘someone better-looking’. The crassness of the remark never fails to secretly insult me. It’s as if the purpose of securing a partner is to have an attractive trophy to brag among your friends, as opposed to loving that person.

Love is love no matter who you share it with.

I spent the whole day packing my stuff in humongous boxes. Tomorrow is the last day in our dormitory. It’s eviction time, my dear friends.

I’ve been doing this cycle for almost six years now. I’m not surprised that it comes as a routine. Every year, it has always been the same thing over and over again.

• Checking in to a new room every June
• Buying stuff for the place
• Redecorating!
• By July, the room is cozy and comfortable
• Pack up for the semestral break
• Unpack on November (It always falls on my birthday. Sheesh!)
• Then, pack up again for the Christmas break
• Unpack again on January
• Feel at home for at least two months
• Start packing for March
• Unpack for the Summer Classes
• Pack up for the nth time on May
• HOMEBOUND! LEAVE THE DORM!

See, I have learned the calendar by heart.

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Blogging has made me feel a bit prouder of myself. I consider myself accomplished for at least doing something productive in my life. And one of the many good things that blogging has done is to establish writing as a way of life and a bailiwick (specific area of interest, skill, or authority). Writing used to be subject to moods. So, I didn’t have the drive to constantly write and as a result, I failed to hone my supposed potential. I’m not saying that I could have been a good writer. But somehow in some way, it brought out the poet in me.

Now I’m opening my doors to writing as a vocation. I feel as if I have been writing in my entire past life. Gone are the self-doubting days. Writing is no longer something off-putting and subject to any mood or special event. Consequently, inspiration is required in daily doses. It is turning into a necessity and therefore, extracting it becomes a habit.

Sidenote: The thought of writing is actually inspiring me to study, too. (Since I had to finish reading my textbook before I could touch the keyboard.) And now I am reaping what I sow. I know this is bragging but I rarely do well in my studies, so please just endure this for once. Nothing beats the feeling of getting exempted from an exam, an ES 11 final exam to be exact. Wahoo! This only means I’m 100% sure that I passed the subject!

Philippines in UNcylcopedia.

I wonder who wrote this f*cked up article. Really.

Please read this. I can’t cite statements since the whole write up is actually very offensive.

I am not one to speak of patriotism. But this one has crossed the line. I don’t know if the one who wrote this was just trying to be funny, or he’s actually holding a great deal of grudge on Filipinos.

Some of these might somehow be are true, but please, spare the decent ones some dignity. Do away with the exaggeration and most especially the cussing; not all of us are gold diggers.

Every item in my to-do list has been checked. (Mind you, I had the mother of all to-do lists because of that stupid decision to take up too many subjects on one semester.) That makes me an official bum. And I have 10 days to perform my bumming duties and forget about my academic standing.

Since the day I resigned myself from all the schoolwork, my body clock has gone from whacked to completely bonkers. I sign off at around 3 or 4 AM and bury myself in bed until 10 AM. But today, I was at my most sinful for waking up at 1 PM. They say I’m carefree. I’m better off as patapon. 

I am about to put my head on the chopping board. And guess how I’m spending my remaining time? Surfing the internet, eating and slacking. What better way to panic! If I were a GC (grade conscious) person, I would have buried myself in books and acted as if the exams were the only thing that mattered in the world. Luckily, I’m still a normal one. I have recreational needs. Yes, you read that right. While on the eye of the storm (instead of preparing and getting this all done), I have the nerve to unwind and have fun.

I have four final exams on the 25th. Math 55, ES 21, ES 26 and ChE 2. How on Earth could I possibly get through that day? No amount of optimism in my body can suffice to neutralize this oh-i’m-gonna-fail feeling. I am feeling hopeless for two reasons: 1. I have a very poor memory and so you can’t expect me to memorize all the concepts, formulas and theorems. 2. My exams are continuous. So no breaks for me. Whew! For the information of everyone, Math 55 is the last in the Math series which is Calculus, ES 21 is Mathematical Methods in Engineering, ES 26 is Computer Programming and ChE 2 is Elementary Chemical Engineering. ChE 2 is a not-so-great subject. I’m telling you, it sucks bigtime.

Anyway, I am just bitter.

There, the truth has surfaced. My doom’s day is the day of my brother’s high school graduation. I remember reading his wishlist way back in January. I was on top of the list. All he wanted was a complete family on graduation. It frustrates me that I can’t be there on his very memorable day (of escaping the walls of Pisay). Andy and I even thought of saving for a plane ticket to Davao. Haha Futile move!

But then again, we will be attending the same school this June. Wahoo!

***
Looking back.

Two years ago, I was on the same situation as my brother. I did and did not want to graduate. Pisay was a microcosm of a perfect world and I feared of stepping out. But hey! I lived.

I feel as if I am turning away from the life I have been living for 17 years.

I attended Catholic school for 5 years. I thought that 5 years was enough to keep me spiritually healthy and aware. School taught me the prayers, practices and teachings of the Roman Catholic. And my parents did a great job of putting the teachings to action. We spent every waking hour and the last minutes of the day praying to Him. We dressed our best and went to church on Sundays. Our family somehow built a sturdy foundation on God. And for that, I pride myself of a spiritually-enriched family. Now it seems, everything is just a memory.

Holy Week used to be a remarkable holiday. Not until I went to college. Everything has lost its sense. Good Fridays weren’t as solemn as they used to be. And Easter Sundays weren’t as festive either. My Easter Egg has cracked, spilled and made a mess. I miss my old life. I miss my family and the things we used to do together.

I hope next year would be better. Until then, I’ll be toiling for a better, more colorful Easter Egg.

After two agonizing months of pulling out the drive in me (to blog), I have come to a conclusion that starting anew is a better option. I don’t want to force myself to write about anything interesting. From now on, I will blog just like the old times. I will write about anything and everything I want to express. I won’t have to consider being known for my site. I will just write.

Seeking inspiration while in the doldrums? Futile move. People in sluggish state don’t think of anything at all, so don’t expect a productive output.

I had 8 examinations in the past 2 weeks. I had the last one this morning and my brains are totally wracked. I think I’ll write later. Andy talked me into this. I won’t waste his effort.